She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
