Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
