News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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