Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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