Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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