i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize