she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
