I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do vagina's smell?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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