Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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