so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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