i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
