I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
