I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
