I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
