Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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