so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
