How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
