How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
