so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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