in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
