If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
