I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
