Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
