i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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