Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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