Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
