she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need moral support for this bender
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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