Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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