There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
