apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You made out with two different species that night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
