puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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