If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize