We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
