i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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