How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my liver is dry heaving
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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