Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
