The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
