put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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