last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
