I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
