I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize