I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
