i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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