I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
