i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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