im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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