the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
