the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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