I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
