Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
