she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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