Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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