Sry I called you an 8
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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