dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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