i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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