yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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