i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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