Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
