I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
