sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
