Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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