you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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