hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Edward fifth and chaser hands
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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