were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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