Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
