Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
