last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
