I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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