The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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