i think my tv is drunk
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
