wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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