Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
