i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
