I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
