I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your cock deserves a montage
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
