After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
