I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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