I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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