Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
