I'm so fucking centered right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
