Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
