I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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